Staying Gold
by Raggazzed12
Summary: Ponyboy's having a hard time "staying gold". Too much is happening to his life, a year later after that horrible incident in which two people were taken from their gang.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Author's Note: Wee! Two "Outsiders" fanfiction stories, well, this makes two. I got the idea for this one after thinking about "The Outsiders" yet again. I realized that now would be a good time to type this one up, while I'm writing it. Just a heads up, it's gonna be slightly sad, people. I am going to have an idea for another Newsies fanfic. soon, but right now, I don't have any ideas so I'm just going to work on this one and my other two in progress. So here we go!

There was too much work for me, too much pain and sorrow, but happiness as well. I, Ponyboy, didn't know what would happen. I am 15 years old, and if my best friend, Johnny Cade, were still alive, he'd be 17. Johnny. I hadn't thought much about him recently. His last words to me had been: "Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold..." and yet, I didn't know how to do so. This was work, real, hard work, for me.

Darry was home when I got there everyday. He didn't assist me with my homework, just told me to do it. Sodapop had gone into a business in Dallas, Texas, but he sent ho letters to me. Two-Bit and Steve dropped by every once in a while. I visited Johnny's grave as much as I could, once a week, but didn't dwell much on it. Dally's grave was in the same area. The police had buried him there. We hadn't gotten any say in where he was buried, unlike Johnny.

Life hadn't been normal after that, at least, for me. I had gone to school soon enough, and people had actually come up and talked to me. Even a few Socs. A girl, a few girls, talked to me as well. But not about the weather or normal things. No. About Johnny. I remember walking into school that day...(flashback)

_The bell rang. In I went, and suddenly, there is a girl in front of me. A Soc girl, that is. Several. They smile sadly._

"'_We're sorry to here about your friend. You two were real heros.'" one is saying._

"'_It ain't nothin'.'" I say, holding back some tears. In my mind, I am thinking, "And Dally. Dally too. He helped us." But I know that they aren't going to mention him._

"'_Sure it is. You're a hero. You two ought to have been recognized.'" replies another._

"'_We're greasers. They ain't gonna recognize us.'"_

"'_Of course they will, if you tell them what happened.'" another is saying._

"'_Thanks, I gotta go.'" I say, running. I do not need these reminders about Johnny or Dally. But next thing I know, a boy comes up to me. He's a middle class, non-grease, non-soc boy._

"'_I heard about your problems. I'm sorry for you.'" he is saying. I can't stand this._

"'_It's okay, thank you.'" I say, and am walking away from him. The boy doesn't get the note that I don't want to talk, but he isn't following me._

_What I would do to not have this happen. A greaser ain't going to put up with this. Not this one... And on these remarks went. It was bad. I cried, when I got home. Darry and Soda heard me, and walked in._

"'_Pony, what's-oh. They bugged ya, didn't they?'" Soda asked._

"'_Yeah, sure. That's the word."'I said, trying to appear tough. Darry shook his head and Soda came over and put his hand on my shoulder._

"'_Don't let them get to you. I know...I know this is a bad time. But you have to do this, go to school." said Darry, and left the room. Soda stayed with me._

That was one of those days where nothing was better. I stopped crying eventually. And now, a year or so later, this all comes back into my mind. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm having trouble "Staying gold". There was no way out of it. My grades were good, I hadn't gotten injured badly. But the problem was finance, Darry's job, and life without Soda. Darry's job payed nicely, but not much. I couldn't get a job. Darry didn't want em ending up in one of the horrible places nearby.

It was afternoon. Darry had bought food at some place and was heating it up. I was outside sitting on the porch. I had sat here with Johnny. Why. Why had I started thinking about him so much? It didn't make sense. Not at all. As I sat there, endorsed in my own thoughts. I saw a car pull up. Two-Bit and Steve jumped out. They smiled when they saw me.

"Hey Pony!" called Two-Bit, looking at me the way he always did. Steve nodded and flashed me a grin.

"Where's Darry?" he asked in return of my nod.

"Inside." I replied, and in they went.

I heard shouts of greeting from Darry, Steve, and Two-Bit. Clearly they had come just to be there, as always. I smiled to myself. They were obviously going to be here for a while. I went inside, and almost ran into Darry.

"Whoa, Pony, slow down, where are you going?" he asked me.

"Nowhere in particular." I answered, and slowed down as ordered.

"Good." replied Darry. Two-Bit turned up suddenly.

"Hey, uh, Ponyboy, you been down to the ...the graveyard much?" he asked.

"Yeah. Well, sorta. Why?"

"'Cause there's cleaning needed in Johnny's area, and Dally's too."

"Alright. I'll go down there today. By the way, you heard from Soda lately?"

"Nah, he ain't written much."

"He sent us a letter last week." I replied.

"Alright then, I'll call him." said Two-Bit, and I knew he had his mind made up.

"He's coming tomorrow." Darry spoke. "Told me on the phone."

"That's good. I need to see him." Steve said, and I wondered why.

They went on talking and I left the house. I was going to graveyard, in search of friends. I know that it sounds strange. But I have friends there. Johnny and Dally.

Author's Note: There is chapter one for you. I hope you enjoyed it, and I am begging you to review, review, review, review, please, thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Author's Note: Whew, here I am again, and I am extremely tired, and not to mention that I have a soccer game tonight. I'm taking my mind off of that, well, sort of, with this. I would like to thank (put the name here) for reviewing my last story, the other "Outsiders" one, because I was getting pretty desperate at that point for a review, and I am soo glad that you enjoyed it, and I hope everyone else did as well. Now I'll quite talk and go on with the chapter.

When I reached Johnny's grave, I found that it was indeed messy. Weeds grew over the spot and on his gravestone. I guess I hadn't been down there as much as I thought I had. I began to clean it up, talking. I, in my mind while I talked, was talking to Johnny. I'd been doing this for the past year. I think he can hear me, he just can't or doesn't answer, because he's in a better place, heaven in my mind.

"You know, I miss you. I know I've told you that a lot. Soda's coming home tomorrow. He's been working his butt off, but damn, I don't care. I'm just glad he's gonna be here. I wish you were here too." I said, feeling my throat choke up. "It's just, I should've gotten used to it. It's been a year. But I ain't and I can't. And school's hard. So's work. I work at that darn old gas station that Soda did now. I guess I move around too much, don't I? You did a lot more, though."

I had cleared up a lot of the weeds now. I then moved over to the gravestone. It was dusty, and weedy. I brushed it off and read it for what felt like the millionth time.

_Johnny Cade_

_16 years old_

I knew the rest. It only just made me hurt worse. I began to cry silently. His birth date wasn't even clarified. Johnny had only been 16. I didn't understand, never will. I spoke again.

"It don't make sense. I don't know why, but it don't. The fact that you had to die. Johnny, I know it was worth it. But...I can't understand why the doctor couldn't save you. Then Dally would be alive. And mostly, so would you. I don't know how staying told is gonna help me. I can't do it if I don't understand." I said. I wondered if he was listening. Would he? "Are you listening? I wish you'd tell me. But you can't. If you are, Johnny, I hope you understand. Your parents, they just have more fights now and beat on each other more, they don't care. But I do. And I'm trying to live up to being like you'd want me to. I don't know if I can."

I sat there, near the gravestone, and I looked around the area. It was nice enough. I saw the area where Dally was. I didn't really want to go over there. Socs would see me. It was a convict area, and I knew that Dally's area would be recognizable to the Socs any day. And so was I. Why couldn't Steve, or Two-Bit, or mostly Tim, clean Dally's gravestone? They had been aware of it. They should've done it. I looked back at Johnny's gravestone.

I would have to leave soon. It would be dark. I put a single, lone red flower next to his gravestone. Then I left. I wasn't going to Dally's grave, I couldn't unless I wanted to get jumped by them Socs. I had to go. And I did. There was no way I could get home before dark, but when I did get back. Darry had gotten a plate and put my food on it. I finished it up, and went to sleep soon after.

My dreams don't normally consist of anything. But tonight, they did. I dreamed about Johnny. We were in that darn old church. It was more of a memory than a dream. We were playing cards with matches. I relived those moments, terrified and savoring them at the same time, hearing Johnny's voice again, and then I was in a deep sleep.

When I awoke, I sat straight up, scaring Darry. He got on his elbows and started at me.

"Pony, are you okay?" he asked.

"Well..." I faltered for words.

"What happened?"

"I had a dream about Johnny and me in that church playing cards. It was more of a memory, but still..." I said, nearly cussing.

"You can't let the past bug you, Pony."

"I know. But I been thinking about it a lot more than I normal." I replied, and rolled over to get that darn alarm clock to stop beeping. Darry shrugged and got up. I followed suit, slowly.

There was no way I could go to school today without thinking about Johnny. It was Friday. And Fridays mean that my attention lasts two minutes, then leaves, then comes back again, and then leaves yet again off and on all day long. But as I entered the school building, all I was thinking about was Johnny and my first period.

I had English class, but my mind and heart weren't in it. I didn't pay any attention to the teacher at all, or at least much at all. He said my name several times before I heard him.

"Ponyboy, is something wrong?" he asked.

"Um, well, no..." I drifted off again.

"Look, unless it's something major, I need all of you to pay attention to you, including you. So stop staring off into space."

"Fine." I said again, but wandered off again in my own thoughts. He once again said my name, this time with more force.

"Ponyboy Curtis, I mean it. Pay attention or else I might have to keep you after school. What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing that you'd care about, Mr. Green. I only visited a certain graveyard yesterday, it ain't major, I'll pay attention." I said in reply.

"I know that you have trouble with that." he said, and I knew that everyone else in the room was either lost in our conversation or knew very well what I was talking about.

They hadn't known Johnny very well, he'd been a drop-out, but he was around me enough and we would go off in the afternoons together often. He was that black haired boy with black eyes and tan skin who was often scared by the smallest things like shouting from behind and sometimes a kid who hadn't intentionally meant to scare him as we walked out but had jumped from behind a tree. Johnny would go wide eyed and pale at that, and if the kid wasn't a Soc apologized. Even the Socs had respect for Johnny now, but since he was dead, it didn't make a difference.

"Yeah, an' what are you gonna do about it?" I asked him.

"Make you pay attention or you go to the counselor and tell her what's wrong. Now back to the lesson." replied the teacher. I nodded and started paying attention at once. I don't like the school counselor.

She was my annoyance all of last year. When I had ended up coming back to school, she started talking to me a lot more. I didn't ask to talk to her, she just appeared. Apparently the paper had told enough about my friends and I that she knew that I was in a tragic state. Which gave her all the more reason, on her point of view, to bug me. I know it wasn't a purposeful annoyance, but I still didn't like it. Johnny was tough subject for me, so I would walk out of her office and start crying. I didn't dare cry in front of her because of what had happened the first time.

I had begun to cry while trying to get her off of my tail and talking about Johnny. She had come up to me and started handing me a tissue. I refused, but she forced me to. Her name is Amanda Rose, but she's just Mrs. Rose to me. Still, I didn't cry in front of her ever again. I also haven't talked to her for a while, thank goodness, but I don't try to put my toe out of line for fear that she'll have me back in her office by the leash in one second.

The rest of the day was miserable for me. It was the last week of school, anyway, I didn't see why I needed to keep my attention on the teachers. But I knew Darry would make me get my grade to a 99% in my classes, so I did listen. When I get a B, he doesn't yell at me anymore, just makes me do more work. He tells me that I gotta get a higher grade and do what I want to. Being a track star isn't a career in Darry's world. It is for me.

I ran that day after school on the track. Running clears my mind. Hopefully Soda would be back home when I got there.

I was hot, hot and sweaty, after that. Dreadfully so. I don't get it, I mean, running makes me feel better, but I'm always really hot and miserable afterwards because of the heat.

I walked home alone. When I walked into the house, there was Soda. I might've thought so. He came and tackled me to the ground just as I walked into the house.

Author's Note: So there is chapter two, and I will try to get the next one up soon. By the way, since I got a review on my other story, we could try for a review here, maybe? Please? Because I would like it, and would like it even better if I could get more reviews each chapter. If that's too much to ask, let's at least get ...well, just review, review, review please, I will take any suggestions/ideas, good news, bad news, anything really, just tell me, and I'm trying not to be too forceful to you, I just would like review. Please review, review, review!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Author's Note: So, here I am again, on Friday. Thank goodness it's Friday, I wouldn't make it through another day of school this week. This story is going good, I think so, but I really, as I will push this on the end, want reviews. And I apologize to FrankElza for only saying put name here when I said I was thankful for having you review the other story, and thank you for reviewing this one. It was an accident, it will not happen again. I thank you again for both reviews. Here we go.

"Hey Pony!" he yelled. I couldn't be mad at him, I mean, who could be mad at someone when they haven't been home forever and they tackle you out of love? "Where have you been?"

"Running track." I replied. He got off of me immediately.

"Oh, that's why you smell so bad." he said, laughing. I stood up and shook my head. He was being Sodapop. At least he hadn't changed.

"So, how's Darry? You two don't write back at all."

"He's good. I ain't 'cause you might've broken a rib."

"Yeah right." Soda said. "So, you got a girl yet?"

"Why? Do you?" I asked him, not bothering to answer his question.

"Nah, not yet. But do you?"

"No, and I ain't gonna get one for a while. You know I ain't the type to spend my time with Socs girls."

"Yeah, well, they might spend their time with you."

"Shut up." I said, and Soda just laughed.

"I'm gonna hunt down ol' Steve. Where is he?"

"I dunno. You'll find him, trust me." I replied, only thinking distantly about where Steve might be.

"Yeah, I ain't gonna walk all the way 'round town to find him." said Soda. "I'll be back. If I ain't back for dinner, tell Darry where I am."

He left, and I was left alone. The exact thing I didn't need. It being summer and all now, I am not going to complain, but seriously, leaving me alone right at that moment wasn't going to help me mentally at all. I began to think about Johnny again. I don't know why. I went into my room and sat down at my desk. I needed to do something to get Johnny out of my mind.

I walked outside, heading towards the lot. I didn't plan on meeting anyone there, but I did. It was the day after Soda had come home, and the first day of summer break. I was bored and slightly lonely as Soda and Steve were out today doing whatever they did together when they could. I don't even know what they did together before Soda started working beyond our small town limits.

So as I approached a small grassy area, I saw a girl there. It was a friend of mine named Elizabeth, but she was known to us as Liz and had a rough attitude and smoked just as much as the rest of us did. Yes, if you haven't figured it out yet, she's a greaser girl. That's just life. She has brown hair and blue eyes and long legs.

I had only became friends with her around the wintertime, but we were friends enough to not be enemies or anything worse. Dally would've done anything to impress her and make her his own, but as he had never met her or had never bothered to, he didn't ever know her. Neither did Johnny, though at one point I remember him saying something about a tuff girl he had seen around the area. My reply to his comment on her had been, "what does she look like", in which Johnny hadn't gone into much detail. I wondered now if he'd thought her as dangerous. I don't know.

But Liz looked up at me when I approached.

"Hello Ponyboy." she said. "What's goin' on at your house?"

"Soda's back." I replied. She nodded, knowing how my brother is. "Liz, has anyone ever...ever died that's close to you?"

"Like how close?"

"Like best friend close. Or maybe even family."

"Well, my grandmother died two years ago. I miss her, but that's besides the point."

"I never told you about him, did I?" I asked, wondering how I hadn't.

"About who, Pony?"

"Johnny." I nearly choked up at the name.

"You mean that greaser kid who died in the hospital after saving kids from a fire?"

"Yeah. An' getting badly burned." I said. "You know, it ain't fair. I wish Johnny wasn't dead, I wish Dally wasn't either, that Soda was always home, and things like that."

"I didn't know that boy at all. I knew about Dallas Winston, but everyone did or does. Was Johnny...did he live down the street from you?"

"Yeah. His parents were drunks."

"I heard their screaming sometimes. I would get scared. Was Johnny that black haired boy who I saw a few times? The one with black eyes and really tan skin?"

"Yeah."

"You been thinking about him a lot?"

"Ho-how did you know?"

"I just do. It's something that happens to a lot of people. It was a year ago, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. And yeah, I been thinking about him, Johnny. I don't know why. I visited his grave a few days ago. I don't like thinking about it. I'm having a hard time doing what he asked me to. My grades are slipping. Darry's working. Soda's rarely home. I have school. And thinking about Johnny and Dally hurts." I said.

"Pony, I know it's hard on you. I-I don't know what it feels like, but I'm sure it ain't fun. I didn't know that, that Johnny was a friend of yours."

"He wasn't just a friend. He was my buddy. You ain't nevah gonna understand, are you? Look, it's not Johnny's fault that he got burned and then died! I caused him to go into the burning church. He shouldn't have died. Johnny wasn't even 17 years old." I said, angrily.

"Pony, don't you blame yourself. It ain't your fault." said a voice from behind us. "You know it ain't, stop blaming yourself."

"Two-Bit?" asked Liz.

"I heard raised voices. Almost thought it came from down the street from that...that dreaded house." said Two-Bit. "Came to investigate. Don't you blame yourself, Ponyboy."

"Look Two-Bit, it ain't your job to tell me what and what not to do. You weren't there, you don't know how it really happened."

"Yeah, I got a sense of it. He didn't follow you, he only went because he cared about you an' cared about those kids."

"See? He cared about me, he followed me. He even killed Bob because of me."

"That's 'cause you were drowning, dying, Pony. He wasn't gonna let them kill you, he'd rather himself died than you, he wouldn't have lived knowing that he had let you die because he did nothing. Jus' shut up already!" he snapped. Liz was watching with a look on her face that said clearly that she was alarmed and interested to see the turn out of this match.

"Two-Bit, it's my fault, and you know it!" I yelled. He looked ready to hit me.

"Pony, if you weren't Darry's brother, you'd be dead." said Two-Bit in a low voice. "'Cause I'd finally make you shut up!"

I found myself drawn up Two-Bit was glaring at me. We were about to start throwing punches, when suddenly, Soda and Steve were there.

Author's Note: There's chapter three, thank you for reading . I will ask you now only one thing, and that is please, please, please, review, review, review! I will take anything, like ideas. Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Author's Note: So here I am with chapter four after leaving you with a cliffhanger on chapter three. I once again thank anyone who reviewed this, I'm not putting names because it's a lot to deal with, but thank you again. Here it goes!

"What's going on?" asked Sodapop sharply. "Two-Bit? Pony?"

"Pony was arguing with me. He blamed himself. I ain't taking it, Soda, I just ain't." replied Two-Bit before I could say anything.

"Blamed himself for what?"

"Johnny's death, Soda, your dumb brother blamed himself."

"Why did ya say that?" asked Soda, turning to me.

"Because I felt like it, okay?" I said sarcastically, but Soda wasn't happy with that answer.

"You think that you can jus' blame yourself on nothin', eh? Well, it ain't your fault, now get over it!" was Soda's forceful reply.

"You weren't even there! The two people who were are gone, dead, you don't know."

"They wouldn't say that it was your fault, Pony." Two-Bit said quietly.

I knew as well as everyone, (aside from Liz) there did that Two-Bit spoke the truth. There was silence for only a few seconds.

"See Pony? Blaming yourself ain't right, an' you know it." said Soda. "Now give up the argument an' jus' leave it alone."

Liz stood up and said she was leaving, and did so abruptly. There was silence as I looked up at Soda and nodded. Suddenly, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I couldn't cry in front of anyone, much less the gang. But I really couldn't control myself. I tried to wipe my eyes and hide it. Soda came over and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Come on, let's go. Though Darry ain't gonna be happy to hear about this argument." he said. Steve and Two-Bit stayed behind and started up a conversation. I felt like a baby.

"Soda, Soda I didn't mean to do this. It ain't Two-Bit's fault, nor Liz's." I said, no longer attempting to hold back the tears. "It's jus'...ju's I ain't, well, damn it Soda, I ain't doing good no more. My grades are going down."

"Pony, you will make it through high school at the top of it. I ain't watching you break down and collapse like this all the time, no I ain't. Let's tell Darry about this, though." replied Soda

Johnny and Dally were painful topics for all of us, no matter how many times we told ourselves that it was okay now. It wasn't and never will be. But we can't give up now.

Soda an I went into the bedroom. I sat down and Soda did as well. I noticed how he was breathing sharply as if he were holding back tears.

"So...you run track today?" he asked, a question that I knew was meant to take my mind off of the argument.

"Not today." I said; I had been lazy because it was the first day of summer.

"Ah. Well, you know, you ain't gonna get worse, but doing it everyday should be your job."

"I know. I ain't stupid." I replied, rolling my eyes at Soda, but feeling guilty and still crying.

"Yeah, jus' don't do it again." said Soda, and we heard the door open. "There's Darry."

Darry walked in, and called both of our names. Soda went out. I could hear Darry's confused tone of voice as he asked where I was. Soda began to explain to him as best he could with out sounding frantic.

"Where's that kid?" yelled Darry.

"Wait, jus' wait Darry. It ain't noone's fault that he argued about this."

"That's my point!" was Darry's cold reply, and he walked into the bedroom. "So, arguing with Two-Bit. Why?"

"Look Darry, it ain't something I'm proud of, but don't make it any worse than it is."

"Pony, what was the argument about?" asked Darry. Soda hadn't told him? Dang it.

"Well...see, it was over..." I started, not knowing how to reply.

"What he's trying to say is that he said that Johnny's death was his fault, an' him an' Two-Bit argued!" Soda blurted out as fast as he could. Darry stared at me.

"Why on earth did you say something as stupid as that?" he asked, slowly.

"I been in a fix, an' you know it. Anyway, the two who actually know what really happened ain't here to tell you." I replied.

"Look, I know it's hard, but it ain't no good to argue."

"Darry, I know. I'm goin' outside, I'll be back. I gotta have fresh air." I said, and walked out. Darry didn't yell, he just let me go.

I ran into Steve and Two-Bit, who appeared to be a little bit red eyed. I nodded at them and kept walking. I couldn't understand the world sometimes. I could be angry at it, happy at it, or just altogether confused with it, but it still did something with me whether I liked it or not. And now, it had dealt me something I didn't like. The memories of Johnny.

When I made it to the lot and sat down, suddenly, there was a car coming around the corner. It was a bunch of Socs, and I was all alone. The Mustang was blue, and it appeared to be full of Socs. I glanced at them and looked away again. I knew that this meant trouble of some sort, and that it wasn't the good type. They stopped the car on the curb. I was standing on the large grassy area in the middle of the lot, and backed up as they approached.

"Hey grease, what are you gonna do?" yelled one.

"Knock it off, Phil, I'm only here to make him tell me the answer to the car's problems.' said another, who was Randy, and who I knew altogether too well.

"What do you want, Randy?" I asked him. Life couldn't get more worse than this.

"Just let me tell you." he said, and came up to me. "Now look, we've had some problems with keeping car tires, and we want to know who's been slashing them. We figured it was one of your...pals."

"I don't think so. It ain't one of us, that's the truth. Unless it was Tim." I replied. "An' he likes to do that every once in a while. But it ain't one of us, it can't be."

"Well, all the same, tell, your friends because we ain't happy with it."

"Alright, will do." I replied.

"Good. See ya round, kid." said Randy, and turned and left. His friends were yelling "greaser" at me.

I stood there, unsure of what to do. Tim wouldn't slash tires-well, he might. Ever since Dally died, I think he's been more dangerous. But I don't know. Whoever's been doing in those tires, it wasn't me or anyone I knew very well. I wasn't positive, but I'm pretty sure. I stood there for the next minutes before moving.

When I did move, I went to one end of the lot where there was an old couch that's been there forever. Johnny had slept on it sometimes when he couldn't find anywhere to stay and didn't want to bug us. I suddenly got sad. I sat on it, remembering the times he had sat there and said goodbye to me. He didn't always sleep at my house. I felt it, wondering why it had always been there, not taken away. But to me, I realized, it was like a memorial to Johnny and how he had lived.

And as I thought about this, I began to realize just how much this small part of my life had made such a huge difference. If Johnny was able to survive mostly on the streets, then I could survive in my house and in school and on the track. Johnny had taught me a life lesson, and only in two words. But now, because I want to remember him, I plan on staying gold.

Author's Note: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, that is the ending. I hope you have enjoyed, and I beg you to review, review, review, review please and thank you again!


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